tune in and my weird hobby

So, today I'm going to my first ever meditation class. I have no idea what it's going to be like, but I'm going to try it out. I want to get better at 'tuning in' to my emotions and both the 'Eating, Drinking, Overthinking' book and Intuitive Eating suggest meditation as a good way to do this.

I'll let you know how I get on. I hope it's not just sitting still for an hour and a half saying 'ohm!'

I've also applied for my 'Learn to be a life coach' course. I'm doing this via distance learning and there are NO EXAMS! This is important given my recent track record.

The plan is that I will do this course, the next level up and then, hopefully, if I manage to get pregnant I'll be able to do life-coaching part time. Since I'm also still hoping to become a Beyond Chocolate Fairy, I'm hoping that I'll be able to specialise in intuitive eating. We'll have to see, but it's good to have plans.

Normal eating wise, I'm still doing quite well. I no longer have the urge (mostly) to buy food on the way home and have drastically cut down on sweets. I'm incorporating sweet food in my actual eating/diet and this seems to have made a lot of difference. Evenings are a bit of a danger zone still and i'm watching what I'm doing.

Booze wise, since we're trying for a baby I realise I have no choice but to drastically cut back and I was pleased with myself yesterday as I only had a very small glass and a half of wine, whilst my DH and friend drank most of a bottle each between them. I'd never forgive myself if I was pregnant and harmed the child so this is a great incentive. It'll be hard at the weekend, I'm going to a live action roleplaying game where we're pretending to be Vikings http://www.larp-conspiracy.co.uk/viking/ and it'll be tough being a sober Viking this weekend. I'll have to claim I'm on antibiotics I think!

I know, larping is a bit mad, but it's so much fun!

SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT TODAY: Going to the meditation class and practising 'tuning in'

Party girl

Well, I had my 33rd birthday party on Saturday which was lots of fun. I managed not to get too drunk by mixing real cider with low alcohol and so my Sunday wasn't wasted too badly.

I made irish stew, irish soda bread and Empire biscuits (2 shortbread biscuits with jam in the middle and icing on the top including shamrock icing pictures). It all got eaten very quickly and seemed to be enjoyed by everyone.

I got to indulge my broodiness as my friends brought their very cute baby to see me beforehand. She was fascinated by the empire biscuits but being only 8 months old wasn't allowed one! I'm glad I ate one at this point as there were none left by the time I felt like eating one. One of my friends asked me if I was going to have one and when I said I wasn't hungry (having eaten quite a lot of icing) he replied that surely this made no difference! I'm slowly changing!

I also had a really good chat with one of my female friends who is rather plump and told her about intutive eating/Beyond Chocolate. She says that she doesn't like her body at all and I was trying to persuade her that she needs to. I'm not sure the message went in, which is a shame. She also says that it makes no difference what she eats, she still doesn't lose weight. I don't see how this can be possible. Personally I lose weight if I manage to stick to a diet, but my problem was that this simply never happened.

I really hope she thinks about what I was trying to tell her about intuitive eating and maybe starts re-considering the way she sees her body. I know she's unhappy.

It's hard though, as I don't want her to feel bad about herself.

SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT TODAY: Only having a small glass and a half of wine
TOMORROWS GOAL: Go to my 1st meditation class to try to tune in properly

Helllo

Hello to Girl Friday, Bliss Chick and 'Spike, peanut & me.' It's great that so many people are trying intutive eating. I'll enjoy reading your advice and adventures.

Snotty person

Yurgh, I'b dot a dold!

I'm off work today but feeling a bit better after a morning dozing on the sofa with the cat perched on my belly.

Exciting news, if you're a UK based person, Beyond Chocolate are having a teaparty. It should be loads of fun and my mum and sister may be coming too. http://www.beyondchocolate.co.uk/teaparty.htm

I'm half reading another book by Dr Whassname who did the Eating drinking overthinking one, called 'Women who think too much'. I got it from the library and again it's pretty good. It covers a lot of the same stuff.

It does have me wondering if I'm going to start trying to over-analysing everything too much. I must admit before BC I never took much notice of all the self-help books but now I've got loads!

Oh well, it suggests (again) stuff like journaling and meditation which works well with BC and intuitive eating.

Work's was okay yesterday and on my birthday, i actually got some decisions made about an exhibition we're going to at the end of April and feel a bit as if I'm making some progress. So I'm slightly less stomach churningly stressed about it, thank goodness.

I've rather lost my appetite this week what with work stress and colds and stuff but am now positively hungry. I'm going to make something nice and tasty for lunch now. Toodlepip!

Eating, drinking, overthinking

This book, by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema was about how many women get caught in a 'toxic triangle.' It really resonsated with me, the idea was that from childhood, we get told not to feel negative emotions 'if you can't say anything nice, say nothing' and taught to dwell on emotional issues with well-meaning questions about whether you want to talk about it.

According to her theory, whilst little boys are taught to do something practical about problems, little girls mustn't fight back. As adults we worry about perceived slights and endlessly dwell on things we've said or done. This makes us unhappy and we then eat or drink to avoid the horrible thoughts. It leads to this 'toxic triangle' and low level depression. Tackling one aspect isn't enough, you need to unpick all three issues.

It made quite a lot of sense to me. I personally am awful at 'worrying' at something I know i've done wrong, blowing it out of proportion, wanting to talk about the same thing again and again. It annoys me that I do it, but I find it hard to stop.

In fact, last night, I was doing exactly this, lying in bed, thinking about yesterday and where I went wrong, analysing what I could have done instead, worrying about today and so on.

She suggests 'mindfulness' techniques and relaxation as methods to let go of this negativity, which is why I thought I might try meditation. It also recommended journaling. To be honest an awful lot was exactly what I'm doing to try to achieve normal or intuitive eating.

Anyway, if you think this is that this is a problem in your life, the book is quite good. There were some practical solutions for changing, but I'm not sure how effective they'll be.

Weight loss

Oh yeah, I forgot to say that according to my scales I've lost about 4lbs since Christmas. I'm a bit distrustful of scales but am optimistic that I may be releasing some weight.

Being positive, I know I've made some good changes.

Happy birthday to me!

33 today. I'm very childish and like my own birthday. I like the fuss and smiles, hugs and extra attention.

The 'issues' yesterday seem to be mostly resolved, I'll have to see what happens. I woke up in the middle of the night from a bad dream with my heart pounding in my chest. I then couldn't get back to sleep as I was dwelling on the way yesterday went. I kept telling myself to 'STOP' that I couldn't do anything about it and to put it out of my mind, but it wasn't happening.

I need to practice some relaxation techniques!

Still, I feel a bit brighter today and since it's my birthday I am feeling more positive about life in general, the sun is shining and I have a present to get when I go home. My nintendo wii isn't available yet, but I'm hoping it won't be too long.