Angst and axiety

Last night I lay in bed worrying. This is a habit I've successfully broken since there's not much point getting anxious rather than sleeping.

I'd had a bad dream about teaching - I was a teacher for about 6 months (Secondary English) 11 years ago but left before i had a nervous breakdown! It was awful, I couldn't get the kids to do what I wanted and ended up in tears by my 11am break most days.

Anyway, the dream was about being a new teacher and facing the kids again.

Afterwards I lay there wondering what I'm going to do with my life, worrying that I won't be able to balance babies, work and about finding a job that I want to do that is part time and pays enough to be worthwhile. I don't think I want to stay in the job I'm doing now (marketing) but don't know what I want to do instead.

I'm still planning on applying to be a chocolate fairy (need to get a wriggle on), and defer my entry for a year since the baby would only be 3 months old when I'd have to be at a residential centre, but that still requires me to have a part time job.

So, i just lay there, getting progressively more anxious, until I managed to tell myself that the middle of the night is not a good time to work out life's problems and that I have 9 months to decide what I want to do.

silly girl

Foolishly at lunchtime after eating a very yummy fruit bowl I decided that I wasn't hungry and would wait a bit before eating my stew.

Now it's 4.15pm and after 2 bars of chocolate I'm still hungry and feel a bit wobbly. But I can't go and eat because I'm at work. I think I'll have to wait til I get home and eat some cereal or something similar then.

So this is when waiting for my hunger just isn't very compatible with being pregnant! :(

stating my needs

I had my 30 week midwife appt on Friday afternoon. All is well, the baby has turned so is head down, my blood pressure was okay, no probs with sugar/protein in urine etc. I'm still measuring slightly large +2cm too much, but this is within the margin of error so no problem (and my original due date was 10 days further forward!).

I had a nice, non-stressful weekend with my mum up visiting. I now have to sit down quite a lot when we're out as I get tired quite easily. We visited Little Moreton Hall, a 16th century national trust house which was very interesting but I made good use of the window seats!

I was quite pleased with myself in terms of improving my assertiveness. Lots of my friends went out on Friday on a girl's night out and for some reason I wasn't invited. Anway, I called one of my friends (who was doing the organising) and asked if I could be included in the future as I want to stay involved in our circle of friends in spite of the baby. I couldn't have gone this friday anyway, but it's good to be asked and know what's going on!

Poor TJ, my friend, left a very apologetic phone message and it looks as if it was an oversight. I just don't want to get left out over the next year as I'm sure I'm going to need my friends more than normal! I'm glad I told her though as I could have just felt hurt and unloved and drifted apart from girls I've been friends with for a long time.

Kicky baby

Aww, DH was cuddling up to me the other night and he says that I was sound asleep but the baby was kicking his arm quite hard. He really liked lying there feeling our little one moving around. My bump is getting quite big now and the baby kicks quite enthusiastically at times.

I've got my 30 week midwife appt tomorrow afternoon. My mum's coming up to visit this weekend so I've delayed my appt by a week so she'll get to hear the heartbeat. Hopefully all is well as I don't want my mum to worry if my blood pressure has increased or there are any problems. I don't think there are any, but much as I love my mum she can be quite interfering!

I'm not sure what we'll be doing this weekend, DH is going to a beer festival, but mum and I won't be going. Probably shopping, after all that's what us girlies enjoy when we've dumped our men!

Food wise, I'm still hungrier than normal, I'm actually managing to finish my food! This month I'm trying to focus on 'conscious eating'. I'm quite good at sitting down at a table and eating without the tv on (most of the time at least). The least conscious eating I do is at lunchtime when I tend to read whatever magazines are lying around or snacking at my desk. So over the next week I will try to eat one snack away from my desk in the kitchen and take 3 mins to sit and savour whatever I'm eating rather than hoover it whilst surfing the web or reading my emails!

Growth spurt

Lesley asked me if I think the baby's having a growth spurt and whether that might also account for my extra hunger.

I'm almost certain this is the case as I know it's packing on the fat for the next 2 months (literally) so me wanting extra cakes and fat is probably not unusual. And, as I mentioned I'm definitely hungrier this week. In fact, I managed to eat 2/3 of the full plate of food that DH gave me last night instead of the usual 1/3 so I actually had about the same amount as him.

I have to admit I've been attracted to sweet stuff far more than I had been prior to being pregnant. I'm hoping that this will be less of an issue once the baby's out.

I couldn't believe how quickly I'd got into the diet mentality again - it was quite sobering but I was quite relieved to realise that something had been subconsciously triggering my overeating of cake! The nice thing was that in spite of eating 2 cakes and a sandwich for lunch yesterday(!), which had me groaning about my fullness, it meant I wasn't starving when I went to aquanatal (about the right level of full) and ready for dinner at 8.30pm and actually hungry again!

Perhaps I just need to eat a bit extra on Thursdays to keep me going (though possibly not cake!)

A sudden dawning

I was wondering why I'm so attracted to sweet stuff at the moment (even more than normal) and then realised it's because of my glucose tolerance test. It seems all is well (so hopefully I'll get back to normal), but I realised that I was eating sugar in case I would be told I can't when the test came back.

Now I need to get my head back in the 'you can eat it if you want it, but you could also eat it later' place that I was in previously.

I'm also hungrier than I've been for a while, so I don't think that's helping. ;)

whoops, where does time go?

I can't believe it's been a whole month since I wrote in my blog. I'm now 29 weeks (well tomorrow) and my baby bump is big. I'm becoming a bit more unweildy, like when you had a growth spurt as a kid and forget my size.

I'm also hungrier than I have been for a while and am managing all of my food at mealtimes quite easily - I'm claiming the baby has had a growth spurt. I've had a peek on the scales and I now weigh about 2lbs less than when I started so have put on about 8 of the 10lbs I lost. I'm fairly happy with that, as I'm sure most of it can be accounted for by placenta, fluid and baby!

I had my glucose tolerance test at the end of last week and since I've heard nothing back, am assuming it's good news if I don't have a letter this evening. I'm glad, as not being able to drink booze, eat peanuts or sugar would be very depressing!

I seem to be craving milk at the moment, I never thought I'd say that, but have been getting through quite a lot each day. I suddenly just felt like having ready brek (porridge) for breakfast and have been fancying either ice cream or hot chocolate depending on the weather.

I feel as if I'm eating too much chocolate at work and have started taking in frusli bars to try to have an alternative when I'm peckish. I think it'll be a bit easier when I'm at home to have yoghurts etc.

Being pregnant is starting to feel particularly tiring. Only 4 weeks to go and my maternity leave starts and I can't wait. I know that I'll be more tired when the baby's here, but at least I'll be at home and not trying to concentrate on work when I'm not in the mood.

Oh, and my morning sickness has come back - the last two mornings! I have no idea why, but it's unpleasant. Still, nearly on the home stretch now!