Exciting times

Well, my CRB check has FINALLY come through so I'm able to start work in a week. I'm excited, a little anxious/nervous and a bit sad as Rosie will be with a childminder whilst I'm at work. On the other hand, she'll be 11 months old, so I'm lucky I've managed to have a whole year off work.

Where am I at at the moment with IE? Well, I think I've put a bit of weight on again. It's frustrating as I keep losing half a stone, feeling good about it and noticing it and then put it back on again. I don't really understand why and I'd really like to lose the little bit of weight and not regain it.

It's not the be all and end all that it used to be, I accept my body fat and all. However, I'm aware that it would be healthier if it had less fat on it.

So I have to ask what function it's serving? I've been thinking about this. As a child it was about rebelling against my mother. I didn't have control over other aspects of my life but could choose to eat, even though I did sneak food. I think it was also a bit about getting bigger to have more presence when I was bullied. It was probably also about avoiding being sexual.

I'm not sure what purpose it serves now. I think it's showing that I need too, that life isn't always perfect and I want support from those I love and friends, so it's a way of asking for help. It's also about freedom - I can choose to overeat, it's up to me not anyone else.

So how to move forward. Twinkle said she told her inner child that she could still get what she wanted. I can ask for help and support rather than hoping they notice I'm unhappy. They'd want me to get help, they love me. It's true I can overeat, it's also true I have the choice not too. It's up to me and I can chooose. No one has power over me to make me diet, I'm never going to be co erced into dieting again. Hopefully this'll silence my inner child.