I'm back!

Baby Rosemary Ann was born at 11.23 on 12/12 by C-section weighing 6lbs 15oz. We're both okay now, although I struggled with breastfeeding at first. However with the help of a nipple shield we seem to have cracked it!

Basically pretty emotional in hospital (I'm not sure I want to watch Holby/Casualty any more) but has gradually got better at home until I'm now almost relaxed.

She wasn't feeding very well which was what was stressing me out. However, she's now got the idea (mostly) and I'm under medical orders to eat pie and cake - for the first time in my life mum force fed me cake! And guess, what, I don't want to! BC is right!!!

Rosie's gorgeous and v cuddly but also v sleepy as has mild jaundice. She seems to be eating okay now as she got weighed yesterday and hadn't lost the ten percent they're allowed to in the first week.

I'm very tired but happy. The first batch of pics are here http://www.richandal.co.uk/photos/Rosie-4days/ - she looks less like a gnome in reality.

bliss

Mmm, that was a blissful two hours - apart from the bikini line wax!

My pregnancy massage was SUCH a good idea, I feel truly pampered and relaxed and I think it's an afternoon I'll remember enjoying my bump and being pregnant.

At the moment, I'm really happy with my life, I've (mostly) loved being pregnant and really relaxed around food. I'm happy being married to Rich who cherishes and looks after me. I think the only area of my life that could be improved is my career and I'm going to be slowly doing something about that by becoming a Fairy and in the meantime I get to enjoy our new baby so don't really have to worry about working for another 8 months or so.

I still need to work on food - I know I overeat sometimes, but I'd like to see whether this is less of an issue when I'm not pregnant or breastfeeding. Having had the opportunity to eat what I want, crave food and be a bit faddy, I feel more comfortable with knowing what I want to eat. I'm more comfortable in my skin as well, in spite of having new stretchmarks, I can wear them as a badge of mummy pride - it's not as if I wear a bikini anyway!

I'll be updating this when I'm out of hospital or possibly using Patientline so don't worry I'll let you all know!

Tired

I don't think I'm going to go bellydancing tonight - we'll see, but I feel quite restricted in movement and not enough like a goddess. My tummy skin is all taut and I don't want to do a lot more than sleep - the baby seems to feel the same as I've still not had much movement.

Agh, just realised the fisherman's trousers I've been wearing since my skirt doesn't fit is in the washing machine. I guess that makes the decision!

I stood looking in the mirror the other night, taking in my new shape, the curve of my abdomen, which now shows the way the baby lies and the changes in my breasts. It was quite odd, as I look really large but I can see beauty in my shape as well as slight amusement at the vastness of my stomach.

Weirdly, I'm going to miss the bump when it's gone and the specialness I've felt at being pregnant. I've just got used to the idea that 'growing' is okay.

Quite comfy thank you

I was in for my final monitoring and bloods this morning. Baby's still quite happy in there, heart beating away. It's not been moving very much today so I'm glad I have had it checked as part of monitoring or I'd be worrying somewhat.

I've been to the library to get some more books out ready for being stuck in hospital. This afternoon I'm going to look up a nice recipe for Christmas cake - I know I'm late sorting it out but I've just not got round to it and for the first time ever my mum isn't making a cake so if I want one I'll have to cook it!

Other than that, I think we're ready. It'll be strange not having Rich to myself and having an extra body to cuddle at weekend mornings and less time to ourselves but I'm sure we'll manage.

waiting for baby

Well, so far the baby seems to be quite happy inside. I've had two lots of monitoring, one on Thursday night (11.30-3.00am) when I thought I might be getting contractions and one yesterday, which had been scheduled in.

Apparently it's a very active baby. Infact, the reason I thought I might be getting contractions on Thursday was because the little blighter was moving so much it was irritating my uterus! Still, an active baby is a healthy one (apparently), so I'm comforted by this.

I've also decided to have a pregnancy massage on Tuesday with some of the money I'll be saving from not having my waterbirth. This is primarily to relax myself before the scary c-section but at the same time I may (subject to how brave I'm feeling) get a bikini wax/tidy up and eyebrow shape. I'm treating myself rather than eating and quite proud I've been able to do this.

So this is our last weekend as a couple, next weekend there'll be three. It's all very exciting and we're desperately racking our brains about what 'kit' we might be missing. The nursery is ready, we have plenty of little vests/all in ones and will be buying gender specific stuff when our baby arrives.

We're going to see Beowulf at the cinema today as I'm concerned that I may not be at the cinema for a while. I've also been to see Stardust (v good), Elizabeth (enjoyable) and The Golden Compass (even better) in the last month. So I'm fully up to date with all the films I want to watch.

baby update

Well, they couldn't do the ECV as there's not enough amniotic fluid so it's less likely to turn around. Sadly seems the end of homebirthing plan.I've to go in for monitoring on Friday and again on monday and then on Wednesday 12th (when I'm about 39 weeks) they'll be doing a c-section. Yikes.

The monitoring is in case the baby shows signs of distress as a lack of amniotic fluid isn't good. I'm a bit upset and disappointed, although I know there are some advantages to c-sections. I'm a bit nervous of hospitals (never been in one overnight) and get a bit paranoid they'll comment on my weight.

I've been noticing my feelings which are very mixed and mostly a bit sad and trying to accept them rather than ignoring them or eating! It all feels a bit raw and I may write to my body again as I think it's disappointed that it all worked ok and I've been over ruled by science!

However, there are advantages to this new plan, namely that I know when the baby's going to come out (unless I go into labour before wednesday or the baby shows signs of distress on friday/monday).

I can mentally prepare myself and am getting over the fact I won't get my own way with this birth. I'll be okay. So all in all, yesterday was a bit fraught.

good news bad news

The good news is I'm on the course too - or at least have a place saved for 2009! I'm really pleased as I was concerned for a while as Sophie wanted to discuss some stuff with me but all is good.

The slightly less good news is the baby is breech again! So tomorrow I'm having the ECV baby turning thingy. I've got my hospital bag ready as there is the risk of going into labour but if this happens I'm 37 +5 so the baby should be ready to come out.

Some thoughts on food

I've been reading through 'The Diet Survivor's Handbook' which has some good little gems of wisdom. I've realised that I may have been overeating chocolate at work because I didn't have any at home. It's one to realise for the future I think as I'm not that bothered about eating it at the moment.

Also, I listened to the guru club teleconference on pleasure and enjoyment on Friday which really made me think about the guilt I sometimes have around food and the choices I make. When I went to SW and could get it to work for me (which it hasn't for ages), the bit that really helped was the idea of making positive choices rather than restricting myself. They called this choicepower.

Sophie was talking about this in the teleconference and I was sitting there nodding to myself. She was saying that making healthy food choices is about taking care of yourself but only when it's actually a choice and not a restriction. It's really hard to differentiate between these two I think, but changes whether the food we're eating is a positive decision or a negative one.

On the other hand we do it all the time. For example, at the moment I am choosing not to eat blue cheese because of my pregnancy. It is slightly a restriction, but I don't feel resentful about it, it's okay because I want to have a healthy baby.

The other thoughts I had were to do with legalising 'healthy' foods. It seems silly, but I know that I can sometimes avoid yoghurts and fruit even although I like them because I don't like feeling that I should be eating them.

a waiting game

I'm still waiting, both for my BC letter and for the baby to decide to come out! The former was due to arrive Friday/today so I've done something about it.

I've emailed Office Fairy Clare (didn't have courage to ring) to ask for an email copy of the letter or a yes/no so will let you know what response I get.

Last week my sister was visiting -it was lovely to have the company. We didn't do loads as she was only here Tuesday evening to Friday lunch but did make it to the Manchester xmas market and the cinema to see 'The Dark is Rising' which is now ranked as my most diapppointing film ever.

Babywise we now have everything we can think of that we might need except for a nappy bucket so it's really just a waiting game.