Angry!

I'm annoyed today. I got into work and my boss gave me my CDPM (appraisal document with a list of goals). The thing is, this is supposed to have been given out in JANUARY!And it has a creation date of 4/2/07! Even worse, it's got goals due that are ongoing or due to be completed by 1st Sept.

I'm leaving on maternity leave at the start of November. That doesn't leave very long to achieve these goals satisfactorily. And the document was just dumped on my desk, with a sorry it's taken so long. But today's 31st July GRRRR!!!

If I achieve these goals I get a bonus, well that's likely to happen- not!

Prior to this I was feeling quite good as I had a productive weekend of painting. I sanded down an old chest of drawers and painted the outside in white and the drawers in primary colours. Then we painted shelves in the same colours. It looks really good and i'm proud of myself for doing it as my DIY skills and artistic skills are non-existent. It's starting to feel like the baby really will be here at xmas time.

I still haven't really felt movement yet (now 19.5 weeks), occasionally I've felt flutters I think. I went to the midwife on Friday and my blood pressure was 115/60 (compared to 145/80 when I found out I was pregnant). My uterus is where it's supposed to be (near my bellybutton) and the midwife listened for the heartbeat on the doppler and found it immediately - it was wonderful to hear and you could also hear little kicks (aah!).

My next scan is on 13th August which I'm looking forward to, and on Saturday I went with DH to Bloomin marvellous (maternity/baby shop) to get a present for a friend's new baby, then Mothercare World, where I got a maternity swimsuit and finally to BabiesRUs just looking at stuff. I think DH is gradually getting used to the idea it's happening as well.

I still haven't bought any baby clothes but may have to get a set of babygros soon before my mum buys everything it could ever need!

new arrivals

My friend had a baby earlier this week, it's very odd to think that I've got something growing inside me that will be that big quite soon.

I'm amused at the moment by my family. My Auntie Nancy (really a family friend but 81 and more like a granny to me) is massively over-excited by my pregnancy. She has decided to get me a changing table and has already been into mothercare to look at them and is going to look into John Lewis as well.

I was talking to mum last night (even more excited than Nancy) and she was saying that she'll need to get a pram and a cot for my parent's house. I think they'll be better equipped than we are. She was trying to persuade me to take the changing table now (I want to wait until we've boarded the loft) and we have got approx 20 weeks left (probably). It's all going to become real as we start to buy stuff, so far I've got a moses basket (£5 from ebay) and a cot (inherited from a family friend).

I think i'm feeling the baby kick sometimes or at least bubbles in my stomach. I try to tune in when I'm lying in bed to feel them but can't tell the difference between baby kicks and indigestion. The next scan is in a couple of weeks and I have a midwife appt tomorrow when I'll probably hear the heartbeat.

Foodwise I've been hungrier the last couple of days and trying to remember my tuck box (managed 2 out of 3 days). I tuned in today and fancied a potato with prawns and avocado but they didn't have them so I'll have my avocado tonight I think.

I've got aquanatal tonight which should be fun. So far I've not met the teacher as the 2 times I've made it in the last month she's been off sick (v. bad luck as apparently she's very rarely ill). I'm not sure what to expect but it was good last week to meet other women who were pregnant.

good advice

I had my teleclass with BC's Sophie last night which was incredibly helpful. So, after taking a deep breath and trying to take her suggestions on board I now intend to:

1) Try to regard my growing belly as baby not fat
2) Write a letter to my body as per BC
3) Tune in one day this week at lunchtime to work out what I really want to eat
4) Bring in my own personal tuck box of foods I want to eat that I enjoy and nourish me more than the work tuck box.

I felt so much better after working through my worries. I accept that it's okay for me to be anxious about my belly growing but that this is something natural and that if I imagine that the baby is the thing that is making it expand not bars of chocolate (as Nicola suggested) that I don't need to feel bad about it.

I weighed myself last night after eating and don't think I've put much weight on (maybe 4lbs in the last month). I'm quite happy with this and accept that sprout is growing a lot at the moment!

Struggling...

I really struggle to work out what I want to eat particularly at lunchtime. I just can't get enthusiastic about sandwiches (from Tescos) have gone off sushi (to my horror) and we have a real lack of nice shops close by where I work on an industrial estate.

In fact, I'm fairly unenthusiastic about food full stop and I'm not happy about it. My hubby keeps trying to persuade me to eat tasty nutritious stuff but I seem to only manage about half the serving and can't tell him what I want to eat, just end up going along with what he wants.

The only foods that I am attracted to are sweet and this is partially due to laziness as we have a tuck box at work with milk chocolate. I seem to be craving ice cream at home.

I don't like where I am at the moment, my belly has suddenly grown over the last 3 weeks which I'm not really happy about even though I'm pleased about being pregnant and happy about having a baby. I think it's bringing up issues watching it grow.

Last night I realised that I feel ugly and fat and feel quite ashamed by the size of my belly. I had got to a place where I was accepting my body but seem to have slipped backwards. I know this is illogical but I think it's because I've struggled all my life not to get bigger and now I have to watch and accept it and am finding this hard. I really don't want to get a lot fatter.

It might be these feelings of anxiety and dissatisfaction with my shape that are fueling the overeating (very therapeutic writing it all down) and I'm not sure how I deal with them.

I'm also very anxious that I'm not eating enough or not eating enough nutritious foods.

What can I do to get myself back on track?

Eat what you want

I've just been inspired by Nicola to think about the principles and how I'm doing. I've come to realise that the one I struggle with the most is 'eat what you want'. I really don't know what I want a lot of the time. I don't know how to change this.

I'm sure it's a bit to do with being pregnant (surprise surprise) as I've been going off food and actively disliking random food like chicken! Unfortunately I haven't had cravings (which is a bit disappointing) and a lot of the time don't want anything or just something sweet.

I'd love to know how other people manage this one as I just can't seem to decide what I want to eat (especially at lunchtime).

A strange problem

This is the first time this has ever been a problem, but I'm losing weight. Since BC I've lost a stone I was 17 st 10, then got weighed at the docs on finding out I was pregnant and was 17 st 7, and then weighed myself in between and had lost 1/2 a stone. Normally I'd be delighted, but I'm actually a bit worried that the baby will be hurt in some way. I was sure I'd put weight on but weighed myself on my parents scales and was down to 16st 10!

Obviously I'm still obese but I don't want to lose a lot of weight whilst I'm pregnant (now 4 months). It's not been on purpose, in fact i'm probably eating fattier foods than before. I was talking to DH about it and he said that I was eating less at mealtimes and having smaller portions.

So I'm in an odd position. Should I be worried? I'll talk to the midwife about it, but I really am not that hungry or at least not every day. Maybe I've finally 'got' intuitive eating? Or maybe I'm eating in a dangerous way? What do you think?

Bonjour mes amies. I've come back from our holiday in France. The weather was 'changeable' in that it kept raining and then was sunny for a bit and then rained again. We stayed in a farmhouse owned by a friend of my parents. They kept saying how it was rundown and very basic.

It was actually rather nice in a rustic sort of way, with bullocks on one side of us (definitely bulls, we checked!) and horses on the other. The farmhouse could have been gorgeous if someone spent some money on it, it had loads of extra 'cellars' or barns that could have been turned into further rooms.

As it was there was a kitchen/lounge (decent sized) bathroom, separate toilet and then up steep windy stairs to 3 bedrooms, 2 a decent size and one little one. We picked the big bedroom as the other one was a bit dusty.

It was so nice just to be able to relax and sleep a lot. I hadn't realised how tired I actually was. I was in my bed around 10 most nights and up at 10 in the morning and slept the whole time! We travelled round Normandy, visiting the local villages, shops, abbeys, churches and chateaus.

They eat so well in France, I'm jealous. The bakeries had the most wonderful biscuits, chocolate meringue cakes, lemon tarts and succulent apple tarts. I managed to have at least one ice cream a day (it's my aim on holiday). We ate a lot of pork for some reason, local sausages and smoked pork. I also tried... snails! They were actually okay, they tasted of nutty mushrooms with the texture of shellfish. I'm not sure I'd make them myself but did eat them all.

I also had some seafood (though not as much as I'd have liked!). Lots of mussels, big luscious prawns and scallops.

I managed to be very sensible about booze. I had some wine (a small glass) or some cider (again a glass) every other night. I'm going to avoid alcohol for the next week just to get my body back to normal. It was very odd being in France and so meagre with the alcohol but there was a good reason and i was okay about it.

Now we're back home and I'm craving vegetables, we had quite a lot of fruit, even if it was in cakes or ice cream but not enough vegetables.