weekend

I've had a nice weekend - friday I went to see Much Ado About Nothing at Tatton Park performed by the Illyria outdoor theatre company. As I expected they were very funny. There are 5 of them performing all the parts with just some basic props and a stage with a balcony and stairs. Whilst the language takes a little concentration, they are expressive enough and excellent actors so you 'get' the humour even if you don't manage to take in all the words. (And I'm an English graduate so should really manage to follow the play!)

Saturday I went shopping for another pair of maternity trousers. I got some from Dorothy Perkins with side elastic that you let out. Hmm, I got a size 20 and think I should have got a size bigger, but they didn't have any there and I couldn't be bothered to go to Evans. They fit, but aren't massively comfy.

Saturday night we had friends around for DH's birthday. It was a bit disappointing as only 3 turned up and we were expecting more. Poor Rich bought lots of nibbles so we have loads of pringles left. Lots of people are on holiday so I think he's managed not to feel too unloved.

Sunday I had my first life coaching session with a lady who is a stage ahead of me doing the same life coaching course where you need people to practise on. She offered on the babycentre website (having a december baby too). We had a really good chat and she's given me some ideas about possible ways to finance becoming a chocolate fairy. I need to think about it some more and flesh them out but there may be a way.

Sunday evening I finished my 3rd assignment for the course (finally). I'm not convinced it's perfect, but it'll do for now and I'll see what feedback I get and what needs to be amended.

Funnily enough, I felt quite bingey on sunday night and ate icing sugar with some peppermint essence. I stayed very aware asking myself why I wanted to eat something so sweet and noticed what I was doing, staying very present in the moment and noticing the sweetness. I found I was angry and worrying about my brother who's got mental health problems at the moment and that I was feeling resentful that he is getting a lot of attention, just like he used to do when we were children. I think it gave me a bit of insight into why I overate as a child as my brother got a lot of attention for being different (I'm the eldest and he's two years younger). I was mostly a 'good' girl who was clever at school, sociable etc and the only problem I had was my eating. Hmm, that's something to think about - I remember there was a sense of rebellion there.
It was odd to notice what I was feeling whilst I was overeating (actually I didn't have very much) and afterwards the anxiety and anger resided and I could see that the emotions aren't very helpful nowadays as an adult. But noticing and naming them helped.

update

Well lazy baby hadn't moved at all and is sitting quite comfortably, bottom down in a breech position. Oh well. I have to go back next Friday morning to try again.

I feel a bit better today, I went home last night and went straight to bed, got up to eat at 8pm and went back to bed again til I woke this morning at 6.30. Thanks for the suggestion Lesley, I don't think I'm anaemic, they checked at 10 weeks, when they did my bloods and also have iron in my pregnancy vits but I will ask my mw when I see her in a couple of weeks if she can re-check.

Chip off the old block and a bit of a moan

I've recently realised that I get kicked just before mealtimes. How funny is that! So now my baby tells me when it thinks I should be hungry. I'm being kicked at about 8am, 10.30/11am, 1pm, 3.30pm and 6.30pm! If I don't eat (for whatever reason), the kicks increase in intensity until I give in and get something.

I'm soo tired this week. I don't know if sprout is having a growth spurt or what but what I really want is a day off so I can relax and sleep. I had a rotten day yesterday, my manager (who is sometimes a bit of a d*ck, swore at me in front of our telemarketing company on a conference call when I hadn't done anything wrong (just done what our CEO had told me to do).

Also, my brother (the one we think probably has Asperger's syndrome, is depressed and we generally worry about his mental health) and said that I wasn't to be upset if he didn't answer the phone when I ring him as he wanted to spend more time on his own. Bearing in mind that IF he answers the phone I talk to him for approx 5 mins at a time once a week (maybe twice), I was rather annoyed by this.

I later found out that he's had visits from mental health workers (either community social work team or MIND, the mental health charity) and we don't know, but it sounds as if he's finally going to get help. So I may have over-reacted.

The day got a bit better as my mum has bought a load of baby clothes from Marks & Spencers and it had turned up yesterday afternoon. I got to put away tiny newborn babygrows and teeny little socks - aw so cute!!

I hope this hormonal/tired period lifts as I hate feeling like this and having to carry on as normal. :-(

I also read an article yesterday about how what you eat whilst your pregnant may make your child more inclined to be fat. This rather depressed me. I'm still craving sweet stuff. To be fair, I'm eating dried fruit too, but I fairly frequently eat biscuits or chocolate. The research was done by a vet on rats, so I'm hoping its only applicable to them, hope I'm not storing up trouble later. On the other hand, I still haven't really put on much weight (if any), so I can't be particularly over-eating. I don't know.

21 week scan

Here's the picture back from the 12 week scan - now I've worked out how to upload it. :) DH 'tweaked the settings to try to get a better view of the baby.



















And below are the ones from my 21 week scan yesterday. Everything seems fine except naughty baby would NOT roll over, so I have to return on Friday am so they can try and scan the spine. I went for two 20 min walks and tried bellydancing and drinking something sweet, but although the baby woke up it was not interested in moving - obviously quite comfortable where it was lying. ;)

Note the foot kicking upwards. Someone thought it was 'boy's bits', but no, it's a foot.

happy days

The morningsickness seems to have gone again (phew!). I'm waking up more slowly and sitting on my gigantic maternity pillow so that I gradually 'come to.'

I'm in a good mood today, I've got swimming tonight as aquanatal is cancelled and the weather's been nice all week - what a difference that makes. Oh, and there was one jacket potato left at Top Nosh (our local lunch takeaway) and I got it and what sounds like a lovely fruit box.

Also, mum is sending me baby stuff from M & S - I don't know what, so it's a surprise, the best sort of present. And now I feel the baby kicking all the time I really feel it's all happening.

I gave work my maternity leave letter and will be finishing at the beginning of November (including my 2 weeks leave that's left) and returning the following November. How good is that! Of course, I still have to get to November, but it's not that long now - about 10 weeks.

The final thing that makes me cheerful is that I have the 20 week scan on Monday - I can't wait to see our little sprout again. I hope it's all healthy and okay but I'm sure that feeling lots of kicks is a good sign.

Bleh day

I've had a bleh day. I was sick after my breakfast and nauseus at work, even having a lie down for 10 mins or so. I'm so bored at work at the moment, we're undertaking rebranding (I work in marketing) and I'm supposed to organise reprints of all our brochures, a new website, a reseller day and exhibition. Unfortunately until we decide on what to call our product I can't do any of it! Rah it's frustrating!

Because I didn't have breakfast (well, you know what I mean), I picked all morning. At lunchtime I had a jacket potato with prawns (an old favourite) and two cakes from the bakery. The first one was nice, I felt overfull after the second one, I'm not sure why I ate it, perhaps because the whole day was rubbish.

This afternoon I had to negotiate a deal with a supplier. I HATE doing this, i know why, I'm not happy at them being unhappy with me and don't like arguing with them. I'm scared that my boss will want more and am unsure what a good deal looks like. Still at least I made an attempt. I'll wait until I'm in a more confrontative mood and try again.

So by the time I came home I was really ready to relax. The first thing I did was eat some sorbet and ice cream. I actually though 'why do i want this? Am I hungry?' My reply was that I was thirsty, tired and wanted something sweet to treat myself. I had noticed though and enjoyed my treat.

I'm doing a coaching course and had a session with my tutor. I'm doing okay I think. That was the one positive of the day. Afterwards I went upstairs for a sleep. I couldn't face bellydancing, I just hadn't felt 'right' all day. DH cooked me dinner and I had to promise to eat something. I came down and had a little bit. To be honest I wasn't hungry, but I ate a little so the baby had some green stuff today!

Now I'm off to bed, I'll see if I can be more positive tomorrow.

Aquanatal class & IE

I went to my second class last night and had to laugh at the choice of music. We did our warm up (jiggling around and bouncing from leg to leg) to the sound of 'The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies' and then cycling up and down the pool with a woggle (spaghetti shaped float) between our legs, like seahorses to the Soldier's March from Aida (last week it was Ride of the Valkyries).I'd have loved a view from above to see the rather rotund, humpty dumpty shaped ladies peddling furiously in formation!

It's great going to aquanatal as you get to meet lots of women in similar situations and the course is taught by a lovely midwife who you can ask all your in between appt questions.

I've managed to do some of my BC tasks - writing a letter to/from my fat and really tuning in to what I want to eat.

The letter was very interesting, I found the one I'd written before and the grumbles in that, that I drank too much, didn't move enough and disliked my body made me realise how far I'd come. My letter seemed so much less angry and more supportive. Being preggers, I don't drink (or at least only a tiny amount), I'm going to bellydancing and aquanatal so exercising twice a week and I'm far more accepting of my body.

I realised I'm starting to trust it to behave, that I can have a 'normal' pregnancy and that having fat on my body doesn't immediately mean I must panic. (I know there can be problems, but it doesn't always happen and so far, so good!).

Tuning in wise, I realised on Monday night that I really fancied a walnut and apple crunchy salad. DH didn't so we ate something else that we both wanted (tacos with mince and salad). Anyway, I ended up having a waldorf salad for lunch on Tuesday and it was lovely, really hit the spot and left me really satisfied.