Angst and axiety
Last night I lay in bed worrying. This is a habit I've successfully broken since there's not much point getting anxious rather than sleeping.
I'd had a bad dream about teaching - I was a teacher for about 6 months (Secondary English) 11 years ago but left before i had a nervous breakdown! It was awful, I couldn't get the kids to do what I wanted and ended up in tears by my 11am break most days.
Anyway, the dream was about being a new teacher and facing the kids again.
Afterwards I lay there wondering what I'm going to do with my life, worrying that I won't be able to balance babies, work and about finding a job that I want to do that is part time and pays enough to be worthwhile. I don't think I want to stay in the job I'm doing now (marketing) but don't know what I want to do instead.
I'm still planning on applying to be a chocolate fairy (need to get a wriggle on), and defer my entry for a year since the baby would only be 3 months old when I'd have to be at a residential centre, but that still requires me to have a part time job.
So, i just lay there, getting progressively more anxious, until I managed to tell myself that the middle of the night is not a good time to work out life's problems and that I have 9 months to decide what I want to do.
2 comments:
Maybe there was something in the air last night? I ended up getting up for a read, as I had a bad dream and was all wound-up. Daft isn't it? :D My mp3 player had a flat battery too, or I'd have listened to Reiki music.. it's very soothing and great for falling asleep to. I'd recommend anyone to try it!
I occasionally have these crises. So far, things just seem to fall into place every so often. I'm sure you will be no exception and like you say, there's plenty of time to come across things.
You'd be an excellent Chocolate Fairy. It's a shame you'd have to defer for a year, but you have such a wonderful reason to do it. I'm feeling all fluffy and broody at the moment :OD
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