Losing weight

What Mousie (http://www.neverhungryalwayshungry.blogspot.com/) said on the BC forum about losing weight and then eating more because you're losing weight, really resonated with me. I've done that so many times!

So what am I going to do this time around. Having had a sneaky peak at the scales I'm still pretty much where I started at the beginning of this pregnancy which means that in real terms I'll have lost about 2stone when I actually give birth.

That thought is exciting to me but also quite frightening - it's something us fat girls all dream of, waking up several stones lighter. But how am I going to cope emotionally, am I going to put it all back on again and more? How can I stop this from happening? Will my clothes all be too big after I've given birth - even my normal ones and how will I manage to buy new ones when I'm not working?

Oh dear, another thing to think about. Does anyone have any suggestions/advice about how I can deal with this?

Food during the baby holiday

So, I now have the opportunity to really tune in and think about what I want to eat and whether I am actually hungry. I really need to try and get snacking under control, I know that I eat my feelings like so many other people doing BC and learning intutive eating.

Yesterday, after hearing about the baby being the wrong way i ate chocolate and tablet from Thorntons - not so much that I was left feeling sick (and I actually was a bit hungry), on the other hand, this was not a healthy snack that will nourish me or the foetus.

My sweet tooth seems to be in the ascendance and I know that I need to try to choose fruit as well as sugary snacks.

Weightwise, I'm still fairly happy as I'm now about 5lbs above the weight I was at the doctors when I first found out I was pregnant. Since the baby itself easily weighs 4lb, and this excludes all ancillary services I can feel comfortable that I'm not gaining weight too quickly and will hopefully have lost weight after the birth. This is quite surprising as I'm really not denying myself any food.

baby holiday

Firstly, thanks for all of your lovely comments :)

So, I'm on day 2 of my baby holiday. I had a productive weekend. We bought a high chair (bit premature but saw a good one at a good price), a vax hoover that washes carpets and various other baby paraphernalia.

Saturday night we went to a dangerous fireworks party which had added danger due to one of my friends being a sealed nutter (re-enact0r) and having 1/2 lb of gunpowder. How they can trust him with guns I do NOT know. Anyway, it was amusing rather than chronically dangerous but I stayed indoors just in case the bang was really big!

I was also talking to some friends about BC and training and they were putting doubts in my mind about whether I'll be able to make the money back afterwards. I think I can, I really believe that people doing the course have grown as individuals and in their relationship with food, but I hope that the payback element is discussed in the interview - must make sure I ask lots of questions!

Sunday we went out for dinner (not sure how frequently this'll happen in the future so thought we ought to make the most of it) and scrubbed the baby's room.

Yesterday, I had a midwife's appt (am now nearly 34 weeks). It was supposed to be on Friday but got changed. And the bad news is that the baby is now in a breech position! Oh dear. I've got to go back in a fortnight to see if it's turned around and if not, I'll be going for a scan to check its position. After that their was a Parentcraft class talking about pain relief in labour (gulp) and then I thought perhaps I ought to try and get one of those exercise balls to encourage naughty baby back into position. After this very busy day I went bellydancing and slept rather well!

Today I've been staying in waiting for a cotbed and changing unit. I've also stencilled two of the walls in the nursery with princesses, dragons and castles. It looks rather cool, even if I say so myself.

work and being a Fairy

Well the good news is that I've been invited to a group interview. I've not really had one of these before so I'm a bit anxious about how it'll work. Also I won't have a suit to wear as on 24th November I'll be 8 months pregnant (due 20th December!).

But I'll look forward to going, it should be an interesting day.

I have 2.5 days of work left. It's a bit stressful at the moment as I'm preparing for an exhibition that happens on the monday after I leave. I'm hoping that screens and graphics will all arrive today (so far they're all late) and getting a bit panicky about them arriving. I hate people who say they'll sort something out and then let you down - it's so annoying!!!

Inside I'm all churned up and I've got a tension headache. Anyway I'm going to go and have some soup for lunch (didn't fancy much) and have a fruit and yoghurt later. But soon it won't be my problem and I'll be able to relax.

Becoming a Beyond Chocolate Fairy

I've FINALLY got around to sending in my application for the course. Hopefully it's all okay, I struggled with how much to amend my CV so in the end have only updated it a little. I'm assuming that the letter of application will be the important bit anyway.

So now I have to wait and see if I get an interview and when it will be. If I get on the course I'm deferring for a year - a weeklong residential course isn't practical with a 3 month old baby but I wanted to apply because I've put it off twice already and I'll feel happier knowing (hopefully) that it really will be happening.

It's something I've wanted to do since starting the e-course, I aways fancied being a WW or SW leader and BC is so much better!

One week to go

I now have one week to go until maternity leave and I'm so looking forward to it. The last fortnight has been a bit harder as I'm getting tired. The dark mornings don't help either, it's so hard getting out of bed when it still seems to be night time.

I'm still being a hungry person which I'm blaming on the baby growing lots at the moment. I'm fairly sure I've put on weight but haven't really been checking as I don't want to get frightened of it. I've got cereal bars which I'm trying to eat instead of chocolate.

At the last guru club teleconference I realised that whilst I'm doing well at tuning in/eating consciously during mealtimes, it's the snacking that is my manifestation of overeating. I promised I'd try to tune in more frequently and have been putting outlook alerts on my computer to remind me.

I often find that emotionally I feel fairly neutral. Whilst at work there're tinges of anger and anxiety depending on what's going on. Is this something you've noticed too? Or am I just not that good at identifying my feelings?

Angst and axiety

Last night I lay in bed worrying. This is a habit I've successfully broken since there's not much point getting anxious rather than sleeping.

I'd had a bad dream about teaching - I was a teacher for about 6 months (Secondary English) 11 years ago but left before i had a nervous breakdown! It was awful, I couldn't get the kids to do what I wanted and ended up in tears by my 11am break most days.

Anyway, the dream was about being a new teacher and facing the kids again.

Afterwards I lay there wondering what I'm going to do with my life, worrying that I won't be able to balance babies, work and about finding a job that I want to do that is part time and pays enough to be worthwhile. I don't think I want to stay in the job I'm doing now (marketing) but don't know what I want to do instead.

I'm still planning on applying to be a chocolate fairy (need to get a wriggle on), and defer my entry for a year since the baby would only be 3 months old when I'd have to be at a residential centre, but that still requires me to have a part time job.

So, i just lay there, getting progressively more anxious, until I managed to tell myself that the middle of the night is not a good time to work out life's problems and that I have 9 months to decide what I want to do.