Fed up
Even when you get what you've always wanted you can be dissatisfied. Today I'm fed up.
I love her, but I'd give Rosie back (just for a few hours) if I could. I'm still struggling with breastfeeding. Really that's why I'm fed up as I've been trying the skin to skin contact in bed and she just ended up crying rather than snuggling or latching on. I'm now expressing almost full-time which mostly works but is a bit of a faff, it'd be so much easier if she'd just take it from me.
I'm tired, Rosie wouldn't go back to sleep, even in bed with me. I'm feeling cross, dissatisfied and just want to curl up in a ball and sleep or go out babyless just for a few hours. She feels like an extension of myself that is totally demanding. I've put her in her cot with her mobile and I'm ignoring her for 10 minutes, I can hear her gurgling and cooing so she's fine but I need some space.
Foodwise, I'm permanently hungry (just like Rosie) and have probably been overeating a bit as sometimes I get overhungry. Mostly, I'm having a tendency to eat too much cake and not enough fruit and veg. I'm trying to rectify this and do a bit more walking as I'm feeling a bit sluggish, although I made it back to bellydancing on monday so that was great to have a bit of my life return to normality.
Rosie is now 9lbs 110z, so she's put on 3 1/2 lbs in a month which is really good going.
Damn, now she's started grizzling so I'd better go and pick her up. She's probably hungry again. It's just neverending.
5 comments:
I hear you! I've felt exactly this way a few times, and it's really hard. But let me promise you.. it DOES get better! Hang in there! As soon as you aren't so sleep deprived EVERYTHING seems easier and more enjoyable.
Alison, you don't HAVE to breastfeed. I understand the WANT you feel to provide for your baby yourself.. I had that too.. very strong. But if it's interfering with you relaxing and enjoying her is it worth the struggle? You've given it a good solid try. Now it's time to relax. If swapping to bottle feeding will satisfy Rosie well and allow you both to bond better then it's worth doing. Your choice.. you're the mummy. :D
Totally understandable how you are feeling Al. I am so happy to hear you have gone back to belly dancing and are having a bit of "me time" again. It will be beneficial for both you and Rosie. Enjoy Rosie, enjoy your cake and most of all be kind to yourself. You've had a massive change to your life and it is bound to take some getting used to. Take care. xx
A very wise friend of mine says that when your children are little, the days drag but the years fly. So, so true.
It gets better. It really does.
Oh chicky ((hugs)) It's so, so hard in those early days. I remember one (very early) morning I was seconds away from calling social services and declaring that they'd have to come and get him because I couldn't do it anymore.
I'm not sure I can think of anything to say that would be useful apart from trying to focus on relaxing, which sounds ridiculous when you feel like this, but some controlled breathing can really help. Well done for leaving her for a few minutes, I hope it helped you a little xxx
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