wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I've just bought a nintendo Wii online. I've been waiting for ages to get one. It should arrive tomorrow by parcel force and my DH is going to work from home in order to sign for it.

*does excited dance*

A springclean of the hearth and soul

I've had a lovely weekend. I very bravely met Twirlgirl and G from the Beyond Chocolate forum in Manchester. It was so nice to meet people who've been trying out the intutive eating, to compare notes and see where you can get to.

(And very amusing, since I'd never met either of them before and we were each carrying our BC books in a spy thriller type manner and had the awkward moment of 'Are you G?' 'Yes, are you A?'

Both of them seem to be doing so well and it was really heartening to see where I think I'm going to get to. One of the best things was that we all seem to believe that we've changed internally since starting BC. It's not just about learning to accept our bodies and changing what we eat. It's also about becoming more relaxed in our bodies, making more time for ourselves and becoming more assertive in expecting our rights. It's also about taking pride in yourself and your surroundings. (Both Twirlgirl and I feel we want to be tidier people at home, which is quite amusing that we got there separately.)

It's wonderful to see this happening to other people as it sort of confirms what you suspect is happening to yourself.

So, as part of caring more about myself I want to live in attractive surroundings. As such, we've cleaned the lounge windows and the kitchen windows and hoovered everywhere, even behind the settee. It's shockingly tidy and really makes me feel pleased to look at it.

Searching...

I realised something important today. The reason why I've been feeling antsy the last couple of days is that I need a new project.

The thing is, food was my best friend. Now that I've officially decided it's a onesided relationship and I want more from my life, I've got extra free time to use up and need a new focus.

I'm still waiting for my life coaching course to start which will give me something to do in the evenings. It seems to be taking ages to sort it out. I've sent them cheques and now they want forms filled in with my previous qualifications. *Sigh* Hopefully it'll get sorted out soon.

My DH has plenty to occupy him. He likes to play computer games (boring!) or organise the live role playing games such as Vikings! I like to do things with people, socialise. I've got the evening to myself tonight (DH is off out with work). I'm going to think about what I can do with my spare evening time. I don't want to spend it reading books or watching tv, I feel I do too much of that already.

There's always housework to do, but oddly enough, I'd almost do anything else!! :-)

I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and go bellydancing. I feel much better for having moved!

A pint! That's practically an armful!

I gave blood this evening. It didn't hurt but I've been feeling 'bingy' all evening and fancying sugary foods. I had some and was too full to eat my dinner.

Oh well. Perhaps I needed the sugar to re-stock my armful of blood. I've felt a bit 'wobbly' since donating it.

And I suppose it's progress to only eat a couple of bites and decide that the bourbon biscuits, pieces of dark chocolate and hundreds and thousands were eaten instead of my tea rather than as well as!

Being tired isn't helping so I'm off to bed. At least with IE you can just try again tomorrow, it's not a diet so you can't fail!

European eagle owl and Beyond Chocolate teaparty

I had a strange experience last night. We were watching Battlestar Gallactica when I heard a 'whoo, whoo' noise. I suggested that it might be the European Eagle Owl that has apparently been spotted in our neighbourhood and was in our local papers.

My DH poo pooed the idea and insisted it must be a pigeon. Anyway, I went out at the break and there was a MASSIVE bird sitting on our chimney pot! We couldn't get pictures because it was dark, but you could just see it's profile against the night's sky.

I'm going to have to keep the cat in as apparently they like eating cats, small dogs and lambs and our cat is white and fluffy!

I did manage to clean the windows in the lounge last night. They were filthy and had cat paw prints just at peering out level. I've been looking on flylady.net to try and organise me into having a clean house. If it's something that you think might help you, make sure you ask for only one email a day or they send about 50!

In other news, I had a lovely chat with Audrey from Beyond Chocolate. We were discussing the thorny issue of 'healthy eating' and intuitive eating. (Difficult because you don't want to 'diet' but to lose weight you need to choose to eat more healthily.) She made a really good point about how you might eat only 3 portions of fruit and veg one day, but 7 the next. It made me realise how prescriptive healthy eating rules can be.

I'm slowly getting to the stage of wanting to change how I eat because I love my body and want it to feel nourished, but I don't ever want to go on a 'diet' or 'plan' again. Audrey believes there is a 'middle way' and is looking at a way of supporting BCers who want to find it, which is excellent news!

I'm going to the Beyond Chocolate Tea party on 6th May which sounds like a lot of fun. If you want tickets, you can buy them and find out more about it here. http://www.beyondchocolate.co.uk/teaparty.htm Hopefully I'll meet some of my cyberspace buddies there.

What did you do this weekend?

Well, Vikings was lots of fun. I ate many many nuts, stew and irish soda bread. I managed to be a mostly sober Viking ;)

I'm quite cheery at the moment, I think because of the sunny weather and the fact that the clocks have changed. I'm trying to continue to keep to the intuitive eating. I don't have any great insights to report, but it seems to be becoming easier (generally), I now very rarely eat chocolate bars apart from dark chocolate and my liquorice torpedoe quotient is down to about 10 a day (and they're kind of small).

Shockingly I even craved vegetables for dinner last night. I think it was after the 'meat' and nuts of the weekend. We had a very nice warm bacon salad (bacon & rocket) and parma ham wrapped around blue cheese and big mushrooms. Yum.

Tonight DH made me sushi. I love sushi, I'd quite happily eat fish every day for the rest of my life. I can't persuade DH to make it every day, but if I could I would.

SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT THE LAST FEW DAYS: I received some new clothes from the catalogue I ordered from and I feel quite good in them. I even got complimented on looking good in them!
AIM FOR TODAY/TOMORROW: I'm going to have a big tidy up tonight as part of my aim to MOVE and also because I feel happier when the house isn't a dump.

Meditation class and Buddha

Well, it wasn't for me I don't think. I was joining half way through a course and although it said that newcomers were welcome this made it a bit tough.

I've never meditated before and had no idea what to expect. It was more like going to church, with a table at the front with glass bowls, a picture of Buddha and the monk sitting at the front facing us. I should also add that I have no knowledge about Buddhism except that they don't eat meat and meditate and are peaceful.

He started off by talking about change and permanence and how nothing ever stays the same, we are different even from ourselves between the morning and afternoon. He used a river as an example. Then he explained that this meant that anything someone had said or done to us was also not permanent.

He then explained that all problems are external and can be dealt with by going internally into our minds. All problems are caused by 'delusions' e.g. someone speaks negatively to you and you respond with anger. Anger is a delusion. You can stop being angry by meditating.

He said there are three 'jewels' to achieving inner peace - Dharma, which are the tools you learn to meditate on positive emotions e.g. love, peace, patience; 'junga' which is the community who support you on your path and 'Buddha' who is a teacher and a guide or role model.

(BTW, sorry if I've misspelled anything or misunderstood any of what he said, as I explained this is my first experience of Buddhism and I respect the rights of others to believe in whatever they want).

I asked what about when it's something you can't change easily. He said that then you have to accept that this is the case and lose the frustration.

What really interested me is that instead of looking externally to achieve peace he was saying to look internally. This is different from western society where we take a pill for a headache, eat to avoid bad thoughts, pray to God (an external force). Instead, you need to achieve peace by changing the way you think about others and react to them.

We did meditate, which I struggled with, sitting quietly for 20 mins was difficult. I think I'll get a tape to listen to, I was interested in what he said and a lot of it made sense, but I've been brought up Catholic and I'm not searching for another religion.

I'm also going to get some books and try to learn more about Buddhism which is fascinating and seems to really tie in with Psychology and intutive eating.

SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT TODAY: Making my own bread and stew for the weekend, trying on my new clothes which arrived and fit
GOAL TOMORROW: Move! Help DH to set up the Viking enclosure!