Oh Brother

I had a really difficult evening last night. My brother has 'big problems' at the moment (possibly aspergers, almost certainly depression). Anyway, yesterday evening I was supposed to be going out but had a phone call where he was really upset.

I'm not sure that I managed to help him particularly, but I did my best. He needs professional help, but part of the possibly aspergers is an unwillingness/difficulty in socialising. My mum has pushed it as far as she can, with visits to the doctor, social workers and even a psychiatrist on his behalf. They all said that they can't give him help until he asks for it.

Some of the conversation was very cryptic and may point to him having been sexually abused in childhood, although we think this is unlikely. My dad physically abused him, he was bullied at school, poor brother, he has deep problems.

It's a horrible mess and the whole family is desperately worried about him.

Baby talk

Ooh, the exciting thing today was that since we've decided to try for a baby this spring (March onwards), I've started taking folic acid. It felt like quite a big step as I've wanted this for so long. I really need to 'Own my body' now by ensuring it's as healthy as possible before I get pregnant/whilst I'm pregnant.

So here's to a new stage in my life. :)

Life changes

I recently received information about becoming a Beyond Chocolate fairy which I thought would be absolutely brilliant and something I'd love to be able to do. Unfortunately it's a paid for course (costing several thousand pounds). At the moment my monetary situation just wouldn't make this possible and also I'd have to take a lot of time off work.

Feeling a bit crushed I mentioned it to my mum when I went to visit her and she offered to pay half! This made me feel much happier.

Anyway, I was talking to my mum and sister and saying that my boss has told me that I need to become more 'hard-nosed' and confident if I want to succeed in marketing. Apparently I'm too 'nice' and 'happy' and need to be more 'self-assured'. Mum said she'd never seen me in marketing and my sister (who's an occupational psychologist) told me about life-coaching and suggested that I'd be good at it.

So I've requested information from Newcastle College (it's distance learning) and I'm going to find out more. I'd still love to be a BC fairy, but will have to leave it until I'm off work (fingers crossed) on maternity leave.

I shouldn't have posted about WW, I seem to have been rebelling against this idea ever since by eating all sorts of rubbish in a guilty, hurried manner. I even gobbled down chocolate cake on Wednesday before meeting my mum and sister when I knew I was eating out. (Why do I do this? I know it's related to anxiety). It just goes to show how much restricting makes me rebel. (sigh)

Feeling a bit better

The sun is out, the sky is blue. It's cold (very cold) but at least it's not raining. I'm feeling a bit more positive today. Thanks for your comments Beakerella and Lisa!

I stood up to my boss (may pay for it later) and get to spend a little longer with my parents rather than travelling back from London which would get me home at close to 10pm. It's on work business so I decided to stand firm.

I quite like travelling down south, and it'll be good to see my parents. They sulked a bit as I was only with them for a day and a half over Christmas. They live close to London (about an hour's commute), so going to a one day conference gives me an excuse to vist them, saves the company some money etc.

I think I am ready to make healthy changes to my lifestyle. I'm going to try to follow the govt guidelines using a WeightWatcher stylee plan. I'm not going to weigh or measure food or add up points, but base most of my meals around the 'core' list (which is basically fresh fruit & veg, rice, pasta, lean meat and fish). I know this sort of food makes me feel better anyway, so I might as well do it. I'm still going to eat what I want, but question whether i'm hungry or would prefer something more nourishing.

What I really don't want to do is actually join WW at least at the moment. I find I get too obsessed with what I'm eating when that happens and I don't want to obsess about the scales. I've finally stopped weighing myself daily and started to feel happier about myself. It's a thin line!

Had a bad day

Today has been rather rubbish. Over the weekend I found out that my current account had accidentlally gone over it's overdraft limit because i'd forgotten to change a direct debit back after being paid early in December. Because of this, I'm either going to be fined £50 or £75 in bank charges. I'm not happy about this as money is tightish and I'm going to be rather poor this month at this rate.

I also had a smear test today (what fun) and at the same time my blood pressure was done, which was slightly high. I'm going to have to go back in about a month's time to have it re-checked, it may have been because I'd had a rubbishy day and let's face it, no one likes getting their smear tests done.

I also spoke to her about my weight, (I was really surprised she didn't bring it up actually). She said that I needed to eat more fruit and veg, cut down on fat and alcohol. So no surprises there then!

I told her that I'm trying to eat only when I'm hungry and that I'm taking smaller portions. She said we could discuss my weight at the follow up appointment. Apparently I might be able to get medication as well. I think I've just talked myself into a hole. I don't want to get obsessed about the whole thing and 'go on a diet' but I am aware that it would be healthier to change some habits.

I'm going to start by cutting down on booze. Since we want a baby soonish, this is important for that too and I'm conscious my DH and I probably drink too much (generally wine). Perhaps this will also help my blood pressure.

I'll let you know how I get on.

Fruit and pudding

Hello Lisa Jane, Andrea (hopefully) and Beakerella, we're getting a good little gaggle of non-dieters going!

Lisa you were asking about puddings. (I meant second portions rather than seconds/dessert in my last post, but it's an interesting point you raised).

As part of my 'reconnecting' in NE or just eating what I wanted from Beyond Chocolate, I ate Ben & Jerrys for my dinner 2 nights. It made me realise how sickly it was and I stopped wanting it.

We don't have dessert/pudding that frequently and I'm more inclined to eat sweet things at non meal times. I suspect that incorporating pudding/dessert into my meals might make sweets (candy) less attractive but haven't done that yet.

This is perhaps something I could work on, I don't really eat enough fruit and veg so eating puddings that contain fruit may in fact tempt me into eating it. I think I'll try that this week! I really like stuffed apples/crumble, fruit pie, fruit with ice cream, so perhaps I could start having them again.

I'm feeling a bit bloated today, I ate my breakfast bar late (wasn't hungry at first), and later a snickers bar as I was still peckish. Now I don't fancy lunch really. I'm going to get a sandwich I think and then I have the option of eating it later.

I'm a bit frustrated at work, there's stuff to do, but I don't quite know where to start. I'm conscious that food/surfing the web is a more attractive proposition than actually working so I think I'd better get on!

waist not

This week, I'm supposed to be thinking about how we deal with food waste. I'm quite good at throwing 1/2 plate away, but I'm going to use a smaller plate so that I take smaller portions and just go back for seconds.

It's weird, I'm quite happy leaving savoury food, but find it very hard to eat half a pudding and judge when I'm full.

I'm hungry at the moment, I've been away for the weekend which was a lot of fun, but involved overindulging in free wine both nights. Consequently I'm rather tired. Today I've hardly eaten anything, primarily because if I'm even mildly hungover the last thing I want to do is to eat. And secondly because I couldn't be bothered and we don't have anything I fancy in the house.

My DH is cooking dinner, (he's good like that). It's lamb chops in a morroccon stylee. We're going to watch Battlestar Gallatica whilst it's cooking. I'm hungry now - hope it won't take too long to cook.

Last year I realised I needed to do something about my weight that went beyond endless cycles of weight watchers, slimming world etc.

I began by reading Paul McKenna's I can make you thin book, which was interesting but I was a bit umimpressed by the waving hands part.

Next I read a book called The Non-diet Diet, which had no eating plans or information about food on it but instead looked at doing things differently within your life which the doctor who wrote the book said would change your weight. I didn't really lose any weight with this approach, but realised that I needed to work on some aspects of my life.

I came across an excellent website called www.normaleating.com which approached my weight issue in a totally different way. Sheryl, the site owner believes that weight problems happen when people avoid the other problems in their life. They're the physical manifestation of things that you've avoided thinking about.

Her approach uncovers why you are overeating and helps you move forward so that eating becomes less of a focus. This is an intuitive eating approach, based upon Geneen Roth's work and to a certain extent Overcoming Overeating by Jane Hirschmann and Carol Hunter.

I also came across an excellent book by Sophie and Audrey Boss called Beyond Chocolate which uses this approach too and have started working through their emedia course.

So far, I've not lost any weight but I have become happier in myself which is a start.