Relatives and baking

I haven't posted for a little while as I was down in London all last week and then had my adopted Auntie/Granny down from Scotland over the weekend.

I was at an exhibition in London which really made my feet hurt (I literally stood from 8.30am to 5pm), as we didn't have any chairs on the stand. My feet are still a bit sorry for themselves and are getting sore more quickly than normal.

I had some pleasant evenings, relaxing with my sister on the Tuesday, when we put the world to rights over too much wine and out to dinner with my mum, uncle and sister on the Wednesday evening.

What made me feel better is that my younger sister (an occupational psychologist and very smart) says that she is pretty sure that my brother was never sexually abused and it seems that some of my memories of difficult family relationships have been exaggerated in my head a bit. (I've blocked a lot out).

I had a wonderful weekend with my aunt who is one of the kindest ladies I know. We went shopping on Friday and then to see the Chinese state circus on the Friday evening (a wonderful evening). Then Saturday we went out to a National Trust mill (interesting), and home for a dinner of whole salmon cooked in our fish kettle. Sunday I spent making Empire biscuits (they were called German biscuits but the name changed during the wars, it's two pieces of shortbread with jam in the middle and then icing sugar and hundreds and thousands on the top), strawberry ice cream and irish soda bread with my auntie teaching me how to make each of these.

Last night I went bellydancing and also listened to some more exercises from Beyond Chocolate. I realised that I have the urge to binge when I feel that I'm not good enough and am comparing myself to others or worrying that I can't do a good enough job. Basically reflecting on two overeating occasions one was just before meeting my mum and sister when I worried that i'd be compared to my sister or my mum would make comments about my weight. The second was when I was worrying about under-performing at work. So my self-confidence and self-belief is obviously something i need to work on.

I'm not sure how...