Hungry

The last few days I've been feeling really hungry by my mealtimes. I've not particularly wanted to overeat in between but I'm very ready to eat when at my standard times. I'm getting the hang of this IE thing, but still haven't lost any weight. I have managed to totally cut back on the wine and had the unusual experience of waking up before 9am on both saturday and sunday. Hopefully the reduction in booze will start to show on my waistline.

I feel healthier for not drinking (well actually I had a bottle of v. low alcohol cider on Friday and a small glass of white wine saturday night) but that's pretty much it for the last week.

I haven't been bellydancing for 2 weeks because of the bank holiday and am really looking forward to stretching myself out tonight. I feel so much better after I've wobbled for an hour ;)

I borrowed 'When you eat at a refrigerator pull up a chair' by Geneen Roth, which was a good book, with lots of helpful advice about ways to change the way you approach food. I particularly liked her chatting about stopping being a drama queen. I think maybe we overeaters have this tendency to blow up any problems. I know it's something i do. I enjoy a good story (perhaps it's my irish heritage). But I can see what she means, if we're exaggerating how well or badly we're doing and swinging from one panic to another it can be quite stressful.

So I'm trying to moderate my emotions too and avoid exaggerating my problems and fears by asking myself what's the worst that could happen?

In the mood

I've managed to eat intutively since last Friday, partially because I've been too busy to think about food and I think also because the weather has improved and I'm feeling happier. I like Spring.

I've been thinking about when I am more likely to overeat and trying to notice it a bit more and therefore avoid grazing as I know it was a bit of a downfall. I've not been tempted by my little box of goodies, although it's nice to know I can eat them if I want to. I'm just not that bothered.

Also suprisingly, we've just not got around to eating our easter eggs (the pack of 3 we bought between us). I'm trying to make a concerted effort to eat more fruit and veg, including fruit juice and dried mango/raisins and smoothies. The brighter weather just makes me feel more like eating these things.

Back to reality

The game was a lot of fun but I was wrong in my prediction that I'd eat a lot of meat. We decided to buy food at the event rather than taking stuff to cook with us. Unfortunately, there were more people than expected at the festival, so there wasn't much food available.

Consequently, whilst I did eat, I didn't eat very much and it was predominantly vegetarian. So, now I crave MEAT! We had a tandoori mixed grill take out for dinner last night, today for lunch I had sausages and tonight I'm having steak with roasted mediterranean vegetables.

So far, I haven't had any easter eggs or similar. We have bought a pack of three fairtrade ones to share (they're smallish). At the moment I am full of sausages though, slightly too full in fact.

Today I am relaxing, reading my book, catching up on washing and at some point will go and play on my wii (I can't be bothered doing any of the active games though).

Just move!

I got my wii last night, it's a lot of fun playing tennis, golf and bowling in our front room. Very silly, but you'd be surprised how much it feels like exercise after an hour or so of leaping to hit the invisible ball!

I'm away this weekend, we're going to Maelstrom http://www.profounddecisions.co.uk/, which is another live action roleplaying game. This time I get to sit in a field with butlers, being 'a lady,' drinking tea and eating tiffin. (I kid you not). There may also be a small lake of wine drunk, although I'm not necessarily partaking this year.

It's marvelous fun, apart from the sleeping in a field bit, but at least it's April this year and the weather forecast is for nice weather (even unseasonably hot!).

I end up eating a lot of meat since we bbq as that's the easiest thing to eat whilst camping. It is one of the few occasions when I have a tendency to forget to eat because I'm too busy catching up on people I haven't seen for about 6 months.

I won't be around on any forums for a bit as I'll be in a field, but will try to catch up on Monday, depending on how tired I am.

Conflict

Yesterday I had a minor spat with my DH over tidying up. It was just a silly thing, with him shouting at me and me feeling cross. Soon afterwards I ate my dinner mindfully, but then had some ice cream afterwards.

In my head I was saying to myself 'Are you really still hungry or are you just eating because you're cross with him?' I told myself to 'shut up' because I wanted to eat my ice cream and because it was with my dinner so it was allowed. I wasn't overfull, just not 'hungry.'

I'm also a bit disappointed as I don't think I've got pregnant this month - feel very PMTy - won't know definite for a few more days but I was enjoying day dreaming.

Looking back though, perhaps I could have sat with my feeling cross and not eaten the ice cream. I suppose noticing the emotion is part of the battle and noticing what I'm doing once I've had the emotion is useful too, but I'm still not there yet with just sitting with it and not having the ice cream (which wasn't even that nice!).

But actually admitting what I felt and why I might have been a bit 'churned up' inside is a useful exercise, I'm not sure all the emotions had quite floated to my brain and been processed.

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

I've just bought a nintendo Wii online. I've been waiting for ages to get one. It should arrive tomorrow by parcel force and my DH is going to work from home in order to sign for it.

*does excited dance*

A springclean of the hearth and soul

I've had a lovely weekend. I very bravely met Twirlgirl and G from the Beyond Chocolate forum in Manchester. It was so nice to meet people who've been trying out the intutive eating, to compare notes and see where you can get to.

(And very amusing, since I'd never met either of them before and we were each carrying our BC books in a spy thriller type manner and had the awkward moment of 'Are you G?' 'Yes, are you A?'

Both of them seem to be doing so well and it was really heartening to see where I think I'm going to get to. One of the best things was that we all seem to believe that we've changed internally since starting BC. It's not just about learning to accept our bodies and changing what we eat. It's also about becoming more relaxed in our bodies, making more time for ourselves and becoming more assertive in expecting our rights. It's also about taking pride in yourself and your surroundings. (Both Twirlgirl and I feel we want to be tidier people at home, which is quite amusing that we got there separately.)

It's wonderful to see this happening to other people as it sort of confirms what you suspect is happening to yourself.

So, as part of caring more about myself I want to live in attractive surroundings. As such, we've cleaned the lounge windows and the kitchen windows and hoovered everywhere, even behind the settee. It's shockingly tidy and really makes me feel pleased to look at it.