Day 3 - be hungry when you eat

This is my 3rd daily task, to notice when I'm eating for reasons other than hunger. At the moment I swing wildly between starving and being unable to eat because Rosie needs me or not very hungry but having time to grab a snack.

I've been eating chocolates because I was given some for my birthday, but I'm not really hungry when I do it, it's just because I like the taste of them in my mouth or sometimes because I want a break and eating gives me that excuse to take one.

I've only just read the email for today and it's already 6.30pm but I'm going to really notice my hunger levels for the remainder of the day.

Day 2

I'm sitting on this one for a few days, primarily because I wasn't sure I could sign up to the service immediately and was going through old emails and then found that I wasn't too late.

So how has my tuning in gone? Not too bad, I've felt a little resistant sometimes when snacking - in fact my emotions were specifically feeling flustered and rushed and taking some time for myself.

It's therefore probably a good thing that I can pause over this fairy task for a few days. I now have a shiny new laptop (arrived today) so will have another go at tuning in tomorrow as it'll be easier to log my tuning in.

Day 1

I've put all of the SW magazines into a black bin liner and they're just waiting to be recycled. So my first task is complete. I don't actually think very frequently about dieting nowadays, primarily because it just doesn't work for me - I only last a few hours so it's pointless and I want to eat more than normal to use up my points/syns/whatever.

Day 2 - my task is to tune in and ensure that I eat when I'm actually hungry. This isn't a problem with my main meals, but I'm commiting to doing it specifically with my snacking. I'm going to write down when I'm eating, how much and how I've felt at the time. I did this when I first started IE, using Normal Eating's method (which is based on Geneen Roth's journaling of food).

When I'm out I'll 'tune in' carefully beforehand and record it afterwards as I'm hoping to go to Baby Boogie and am likely to have a scone afterwards. The commitment is to only eat if I actually need to.

I don't really have the time to write it all down for a week or more, but feel I could manage one day. So that's my plan...

Lost

I feel like I've lost my way with IE/BC at the moment. My life is flashing by in a whirlwind of night feeds, expressing and feeling I've had a successful day if I've managed to get out of the house by 1pm!

After a very useful teleconference call, I've dug out my BC daily fairy tasks that I signed up to over a year ago. To get back on track a little, I'm going to do one of the fairy tasks each day for the next fortnight and document my daily achievements on my blog.

So, my first task is to spring clean all of my diet books. This is ironic, given the fact that I've got a stack of SW magazines in the lounge that I've been promising myself I'll get rid of. So tomorrow, I'm going to stick them all in a binbag and put them in the car so that they are recycled. The only other 'diet books' are also recipe books and have some nice recipes in them so I'm going to keep them. I've bought some 'full fat' books such as the Nigella bakes book to counteract them, so I'm happy with this.

I'll report back tomorrow whether this task has been successful...

Unleashing my inner baby

I had loads of fun today as I went to Baby boogie at my local SureStart centre. Baby Boogie is mad. Basically there's a room full of small babies (under a year) with a man who has a drumkit and another one with a guitar. There are many percussion instruments wielded by said mums and occasional babies and everyone sings whilst the babies are bounced and look bemused. I had fun and I think Rosie liked it. She wasn't impressed when I tried to put the duck hat I was given on her head but seemed to like the singing and bouncing.The mums seemed to enjoy it at least as much as the babies, most amusing.

Rosie's now 10lbs 3.5 oz or 4.62kg, so she's doing alright weightwise. The cold has meant she's not been eating as much as normal the last week or so and had more colic than usual. However, the last couple of days she's been gorgeous, smiley and cooing and far more enjoyable. We've also had three nights out of 5 where she's slept til 4/5am from 10.30pm which is very nice as I'm getting a little more sleep. The world's a nicer place when you're not over tired!

Thinking about it, I bet being tired has had an effect on wanting sweet foods as I always crave them when I'm tired. It would explain it a little! I'm still trying to up my intake of fruit and veg, I like fruit I just have a tendency to watch it go mouldy as I'm lazy about taking it out of the packet and preparing it properly.

Bit more cheery

Far more cheerful today in spite of a couple of disturbed nights as both Rosie and I are recovering from colds.

I'm really happy that I'm managing to carry on expressing, I know it puts extra pressure on myself but we're both doing okay at the moment. I'm now managing to totally feed her on breastmilk in a bottle and have been managing to freeze some extra for the last few days. So, on my birthday (14th March), I'll be able to have loads of wine (well quite a lot anyway) and not worry about Rosie getting the aftereffects.

I was amused yesterday as at my breastfeeding support group the leader agreed that its okay to dilute boozy breastmilk with sober milk. So that's what I've been doing when I do have a couple of units just to be on the safe side.

I'm back at my bellydancing, the weather has improved loads and I've made a new friend at pramclub, it's nice to meet other mums and reassuring to hear other babies fussing and crying.

Foodwise, I'm still eating too much sugary stuff when I'm not really hungry (grazing). However, I'm also eating fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and I thought about why I was overeating whilst I was doing it yesterday and realised it was just because I was worried I'd been whingy at my breastfeeding class and going on about my problems and that I might be annoying to the other members or the 'leader'. So, at least I was able to notice my thoughts.

I told myself that it didn't matter and that I just needed to put it behind me and that it was ok not to be perfect and didn't overeat as badly as I might have done. Also that I don't need other people's approval and that helped. At least I noticed!

Fed up

Even when you get what you've always wanted you can be dissatisfied. Today I'm fed up.

I love her, but I'd give Rosie back (just for a few hours) if I could. I'm still struggling with breastfeeding. Really that's why I'm fed up as I've been trying the skin to skin contact in bed and she just ended up crying rather than snuggling or latching on. I'm now expressing almost full-time which mostly works but is a bit of a faff, it'd be so much easier if she'd just take it from me.

I'm tired, Rosie wouldn't go back to sleep, even in bed with me. I'm feeling cross, dissatisfied and just want to curl up in a ball and sleep or go out babyless just for a few hours. She feels like an extension of myself that is totally demanding. I've put her in her cot with her mobile and I'm ignoring her for 10 minutes, I can hear her gurgling and cooing so she's fine but I need some space.

Foodwise, I'm permanently hungry (just like Rosie) and have probably been overeating a bit as sometimes I get overhungry. Mostly, I'm having a tendency to eat too much cake and not enough fruit and veg. I'm trying to rectify this and do a bit more walking as I'm feeling a bit sluggish, although I made it back to bellydancing on monday so that was great to have a bit of my life return to normality.

Rosie is now 9lbs 110z, so she's put on 3 1/2 lbs in a month which is really good going.

Damn, now she's started grizzling so I'd better go and pick her up. She's probably hungry again. It's just neverending.